Managing Yourself: the leadership skill nobody talks about

Over the last few weeks, I've been exploring John Adair's Action-Centred Leadership model and the need to balance the demands of the task, the team and the individual.

Cold water immersion is great for mind and body but its not for everyone!

It's a useful framework and one I've used throughout my career but I think it misses something important.

Managing yourself.

Over the years, I've learned, mostly through trial and error, that leadership isn't just about leading other people. It's also about leading yourself.

The hidden pressures of leadership

When people think about leadership, they often focus on strategy, decision-making and delivering results.

What they don't always see are the hidden pressures that come with it.

The responsibility.

The constant stream of decisions.

The competing priorities.

The difficult conversations.

And sometimes, the loneliness.

That last one doesn't get talked about enough.

As a leader, there are occasions when you simply can't share everything that's on your mind. You're expected to provide clarity and confidence for others, even when you're wrestling with uncertainty yourself.

Why we don't always help ourselves

Unfortunately, we're not always wired to respond well under pressure.

Our fight-or-flight response evolved to keep us safe from physical threats. The problem is that it can also be triggered by workplace challenges that don't require us to fight or run away!

We avoid difficult conversations because we are wired to want social connection - we want to be liked.

We overthink decisions.

We become reactive instead of thoughtful.

And we carry burdens that we don't always share.

Over time, that can take its toll.

What has helped me

I've experimented with plenty of approaches over the years. Some worked, some didn't.

These are the things I keep coming back to.

Trusted support

One of the most valuable things a leader can have is someone they can talk to.

Not someone to solve their problems.

Not someone to tell them what to do.

Just someone who will listen.

Sometimes simply saying things out loud helps create clarity and perspective.

That person might be a trusted friend, colleague, mentor or coach.

Whatever form it takes, don't underestimate the value of having someone in your corner.

Practical tools

I've found practices such as breathwork and mindfulness incredibly useful.

Not because they magically remove problems, but because they create space.

Space to think.

Space to respond rather than react.

Space to calm the noise in your head when things feel overwhelming.

Physical release

I still run ultra marathons well into my 50s - its a great release

Movement has always been important to me.

Whether it's running, strength training, climbing, walking in the mountains or simply getting outdoors, physical activity is one of the most effective ways I've found to manage stress. I also really rate cold water immersion but its not for everyone!

Many leaders spend long hours sitting at desks, staring at screens and carrying tension in their bodies.

Movement helps.

And as an added bonus, it tends to help us age a little better too.

Time to think

One of the biggest traps in leadership is becoming permanently busy.

A diary packed with meetings can create the illusion of productivity while leaving no time for strategic thought.

I've learned to protect thinking time wherever possible.

Tools like the Eisenhower Matrix can be useful, but the real challenge is having the discipline to step back and focus on what's important rather than simply what's urgent.

And of course, learning to delegate properly helps too.

You don't have to do everything yourself.

Life beyond work

Perhaps the most important lesson of all.

If work is your only source of fulfilment, sooner or later you'll hit a wall.

Leadership is demanding enough without expecting it to provide your entire identity.

Family.

Friends.

Sport.

Music.

With my little ukulele in my hand

Creative interests.

Time outdoors.

Whatever brings you joy, make space for it.

For me, running, climbing and even playing the ukulele all help create balance and perspective.

Leadership starts with you

For me, managing yourself sits underneath everything else in leadership.

If you don't manage yourself well, it's very difficult to lead others well.

You'll make poorer decisions.

You'll have less patience.

You'll avoid conversations you need to have.

And you'll struggle to bring your best self to the people around you.

Leadership isn't just about what you do.

It's about who you are and how you show up.

And that's why I believe leadership starts with you.